It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
