remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
