Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
