Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
