I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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