I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
