Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
