It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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