how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
