1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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