I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
