all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
