don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
