I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
