So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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