So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
