i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
