I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
