The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
