It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
