I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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