The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
