My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
cat food counts as protein by the way
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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