my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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