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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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