We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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