Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
