Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
