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Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
