She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
