oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
