Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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