How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
