remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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