p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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