I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
