I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
