Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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