if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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