Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
