she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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