remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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