all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
