So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
