dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
