Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
