all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
