Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
