Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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