Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
