ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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